One of the reasons I am slow to post lately is that…drumroll please…we have a new computer!
Which should be the best news ever. And it IS.
But the learning curve with this puppy is throwing me for a loop. It is an HP Envy – 17″ laptop with touch screen. So after nearly 7 years working on a MacBook, I am teaching myself how to 1. Work with a PC and 2. learn how to work between a keyboard and touchscreen efficiently.
I’m getting there…but it is taking time.
Tonight my youngest son got sick. He was moving SLOW before and after dinner and was out of sorts. We can always count on him to clean his plate and have boundless energy until the bitter end (ie: bedtime) but tonight he was rubbing his eyes and at one point fell asleep cuddled into me on the couch. My mama heart was warm. He is a very busy 4 year old boy with precious little time for cuddling. So even though I could tell he wasn’t at his best, I loved that brief time on the couch.
And then 10 minutes after my cuddles he threw up. ALL over the couch.
Which wasn’t a big deal because, come on. We have 4 kids. This stuff happens. My husband and I have the triage team thing down to a science.
I cleaned up the boy, we worked on the couch/floor and then I took him upstairs for a shower. He was so lethargic and was happy to lay in my arms afterwards, wrapped up in a towel. And THAT right there is maybe one of the best parts of being a mom. Making your child feel safe and secure and clean and warm. Where they feel like everything is going to be OK because MOM is here. That is the best. And that stuff is when I am at my best. That’s when I’m fully present and the kind of mom I want them to remember.
I have noticed, with my older kids in particular, that the memories we are making as a family never seem to include stuff we have bought or even places we have been. The kids remember FEELINGS. My oldest is almost 11 and even with that short life he has nostalgia for certain places or foods or events – and it is always tied to how he FELT in that moment. I want to commit to remembering to be the mom that inspires happiness and zest and creativity and warmth and JOY. I want to be the mom I want them to remember.
My oldest son was sick recently in Utah over our Christmas vacation. It was a weird 8 hour flu thing – throwing up, fever, chills, pain – the whole 9 yards. And naturally he wanted mom at 4 AM :). I ended up making him a little bed in the bathroom so that he could be near the toilet but could at least lay down. As I was getting him situated, in his feverish sick state he started telling me about ALL of the other times he has been sick and I have been there to take care of him. And how thankful he is for that.
Seriously. THAT is the good stuff right there. That’s the fist bump stuff. I’m not a fan of vomit or breathing machines late at night or runny noses. Or of struggles with friends and bad grades and forgetfulness. But I am a HUGE fan of my kids and all of their quirks and personality. And this time is passing by so fast. SO fast. In a little over a decade all of my children will be out on their own and the time for intense mothering will most likely be over. They will be on to new adventures and friends and even families as they create their own lives and loves. And I WANT them to remember mom in all the best possible ways. It’s important to me.
So today I commit to being a more present mom. More compassionate. More forgiving. More creative and adventurous than I already am. So that someday when they think on the word “mom”…there are lots of warm memories that are attached to my name.